Livia Pillmann: "Najboljši dan v mojem življenju je bil tisti, ko sem nehala prositi za odobravanje."

Dolga leta so vas videli, še preden so vas slišali. Kdaj ste spoznali, da biti vidna ni več dovolj — in da si morate izboriti tudi svoj glas?

Iskanje lastnega glasu je bilo zame proces osvobajanja od naučenih vzorcev. Odraščala sem z globokim glasom in namesto spodbude sem pogosto poslušala, da se moram zliti z okolico — biti tišja, nežnejša, bolj sprejemljiva. Sčasoma sem se naučila potlačiti dele sebe. To je bilo zmedeno, saj sem bila kot otrok neustrašna in izrazita.

Trajalo je, da sem se osvobodila teh pričakovanj. Igra je bila zame prelomnica — dala mi je dovoljenje, da spregovorim, da začutim in da znova zavzamem svoj prostor. Moja igralska mentorica je pri tem odigrala pomembno vlogo, saj mi je pomagala postopoma odstranjevati te plasti. Najti svoj glas ni pomenilo postati nekdo drug, temveč se vrniti k temu, kdo sem bila, še preden so mi dopovedali, da moram biti manj.

Vaš prehod iz modelinga v filmsko ustvarjanje so opisali kot tihi upor. Proti čemu ste se upirali in zakaj ste se odločili, da to storite po svoje?

Včasih pride trenutek, ko ugotoviš, da bo, če ne poveš svoje zgodbe sam, to storil nekdo drug — in ta zgodba morda sploh ne bo odražala tega, kdo v resnici si. Z manekenstvom sem začela zelo mlada, še preden sem zares poznala samo sebe, zato so ljudje name pogosto projicirali različne predstave zgolj na podlagi mojega videza.

Ko sem se razvijala, sem si želela več avtorstva in več globine. Film mi je ponudil prav to svobodo. To ni bilo zavračanje mode, temveč širitev mojega ustvarjalnega sveta. Rebella zame pomeni, da ne dovoliš, da bi te opredeljevala ena sama vloga ali en sam medij. Prehod v filmsko ustvarjanje pod mojimi pogoji se mi je zdel najbolj iskren naslednji korak.

Modna industrija pogosto slavi lepoto, hkrati pa omejuje nadzor. Kako je delo za kamero spremenilo vaš odnos do moči, avtorstva in lastne podobe?

Ko sem stopila za kamero, se je moja perspektiva popolnoma spremenila. Nisem bila več le del kadra — začela sem ga soustvarjati. Pisanje in produkcija sta mi dala veliko globlji občutek odgovornosti in lastništva nad delom.

Spoštovanje sem si morala prislužiti; ni mi bilo samoumevno dano. Biti ženska — in ženska, ki ne ustreza pričakovani podobi — je v tej industriji še vedno lahko izziv. A ta izziv sprejemam. Navdihuje me, koliko žensk prevzema vodilne vloge kot režiserke, ustvarjalke in odločevalke. Ta sprememba se zdi nujna in že zdavnaj bi se morala zgoditi.

Namesto da bi čakali na vloge, ste jih začeli ustvarjati sami. Kaj za vas pomeni, da ne prosite več za dovoljenje, ampak sami oblikujete pripoved?

Najboljši dan v mojem življenju je bil dan, ko sem nehala prositi za dovoljenje. Ko sem se prvič preselila v Los Angeles, so mi pogosto govorili, kaj je »preveč«, »preveč svobodno« ali »preveč drzno«. Sčasoma sem dojela, da me bo poslušanje teh glasov le ohranjalo majhno.

To spoznanje me je pripeljalo do ustvarjanja — ne le vlog, temveč tudi prostorov za bolj iskreno izražanje. Trenutno delam na podkastu Rebella, ki odraža prav to idejo: postati to, kar si, brez opravičevanja. To je tih, a vznemirljiv projekt, ki ga razvijam, in zdi se mi naravno nadaljevanje tega, kjer sem ustvarjalno danes.

Ironično pa je ta preobrat prišel po zelo dramatičnem trenutku — dobesedno sem padla v kaktus. Zveni smešno, a mi je to prineslo jasno sliko o ljudeh okoli mene in o življenju, ki sem ga želela zgraditi. Izbrala sem sebe — in ta odločitev je spremenila vse.

Vaše delo poganjajo namen, resnica in humanitarne vrednote. Kako ta prepričanja vplivajo na zgodbe, ki jih želite pripovedovati — in na tiste, ki jih nočete?

Privlačijo me zgodbe, ki delujejo človeško in iskreno. Pogosto jih navdihujejo resnični trenutki iz mojega življenja ali iz življenj ljudi, ki sem jih srečala na svoji poti. Potovati sem začela zelo mlada in prav te izkušnje — skozi različne kulture in skupnosti — so oblikovale moj pogled na svet.

Zelo blizu sta mi opolnomočenje in zagovorništvo, še posebej podpora mladim, ki so doživeli zlorabo, izkoriščanje ali nasilje. Vračanje skupnosti mi je izjemno pomembno. Tudi majhna dejanja lahko prinesejo pomembne spremembe. Če moje delo lahko navdihne upanje ali pomaga preusmeriti prihodnost nekoga, potem imam občutek, da počnem nekaj res vrednega.

Danes ne stojite več kot muza, temveč kot ustvarjalka. Kako danes opredeljujete uspeh v primerjavi s časom, ko ste prvič vstopili v industrijo?

Nekoč je uspeh pomenil, da si izbran. Danes pomeni, da ustvarjaš. Največje veselje mi prinaša oživljanje projektov — sodelovanje, tveganje in pripovedovanje zgodb.

Ko sem odraščala na Madžarskem, ustvarjalno izražanje ni bilo vedno spodbujano, zato je trajalo nekaj časa, da sem zares stopila v svojo identiteto umetnice. Danes je ustvarjanje bistveni del tega, kdo sem. Naj gre za pisanje, igro, produkcijo ali glasbo — prav ob tem se počutim najbolj živo. Uspeh zame pomeni svobodo, notranjo usklajenost in vpliv.

Talent: Livia Pillmann @livia_pillmann

Fotograf: Tatiana Gerusova @tatianagigi

Produkcija: Evasion Productions @evasion.productions  

Stilist: Paula Bloise @labloiseart

Ličenje in pričeska: Cami Talbot @camianntalbot 

Nohti: Amber Studer @polishedbyamber

Livia Pillmann: “The best day of my life was the day I stopped asking for approval.”

For years, you were seen before you were heard. When did you realize that being visible was no longer enough—and that you needed to claim your own voice?

Claiming my voice was a journey of unlearning. I grew up with a deep voice, and instead of being encouraged, I was often told to blend in—to be quieter, softer, more acceptable. Over time, I learned to suppress parts of myself. That was confusing, because as a child I was fearless and expressive.

Breaking free from that conditioning took time. Acting became a turning point for me—it gave me permission to speak, to feel, and to take up space again. My acting coach played a significant role in helping me peel back those layers. Finding my voice wasn’t about becoming someone new; it was about returning to who I was before I was told to be less.

Your transition from modeling to filmmaking has been described as a quiet rebellion. What were you rebelling against, and why did you choose to do it on your own terms?

Sometimes you reach a moment where you realize that if you don’t tell your own story, someone else will tell it for you—and it may not reflect who you truly are. I started modeling very young, before I really knew myself, and people often projected narratives onto me based on how I looked.

As I evolved, I wanted more authorship and depth. Film offered that freedom. It wasn’t a rejection of fashion, but an expansion of my creative world. Rebella, for me, is about refusing to be defined by one role or one medium. Moving into filmmaking on my own terms felt like the most honest next step.

The fashion industry often celebrates beauty while limiting control. How did stepping behind the camera change your relationship with power, authorship, and your own image?

Stepping behind the camera shifted my perspective completely. I wasn’t just part of the frame anymore—I was shaping it. Writing and producing gave me a deeper sense of responsibility and ownership.

I had to earn respect; it wasn’t simply given. Being a woman—and a woman who doesn’t fit the expected mold—can still be challenging in this industry. But I welcome that challenge. I’m encouraged by how many women are stepping into leadership roles as filmmakers, creators, and decision-makers. That change feels necessary and long overdue.

Instead of waiting for roles, you began creating them. What does it mean to you to stop asking for permission and start shaping the narrative yourself?

The best day of my life was the day I stopped asking for permission. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was often told what was “too much,” “too free,” or “too bold.” Eventually, I understood that listening to those voices would only keep me small.

That realization led me to create—not just roles, but spaces for more honest expression. I’m currently working on a podcast, Rebella, which reflects that same idea of becoming unapologetically yourself. It’s been a quietly exciting project to develop, and it feels like a natural extension of where I am creatively right now.

Ironically, that shift came after a very dramatic moment—I literally fell into a cactus. It sounds funny, but it gave me clarity about the people around me and the life I wanted to build. I chose myself, and that decision changed everything.

Your work is driven by purpose, truth, and humanitarian values. How do those beliefs influence the stories you choose to tell—and the ones you refuse to tell?

I’m drawn to stories that feel human and honest. Often they’re inspired by real moments from my own life or from people I’ve met along the way. I began traveling at a young age, and those experiences—across cultures and communities—shaped how I see the world.

I’m deeply passionate about empowerment and advocacy, particularly supporting young people who have experienced abuse, exploitation, or violence. Giving back is essential to me. Even small actions can create meaningful change. If my work can inspire hope or help shift someone’s future, then I feel I’m doing something worthwhile.

Today, you stand not as a muse, but as a maker. How do you define success now, compared to when you first entered the industry?

Success used to mean being chosen. Now it means creating. I find the greatest joy in bringing projects to life—the collaboration, the risk, the storytelling.

Growing up in Hungary, creative expression wasn’t always encouraged, so it took time for me to fully step into myself as an artist. Today, creating is essential to who I am. Whether it’s writing, acting, producing, or music, it’s how I feel most alive. Success, for me, is freedom, alignment, and impact.

Talent : Livia Pillmann @livia_pillmann
Photography : Tatiana Gerusova @tatianagigi
Styling : Paula Bloise @labloiseart
Hair & Makeup : Cami Talbot @camianntalbot 
Nail Artist: Amber Studer @polishedbyamber